We Did Not Know What Was Coming Series: The Light and Impeccable Words
To say the last seven years have been a journey of growth for me and this country is an understatement. To help me process and cope with the roller-coaster of emotions I have felt these years, I started writing on Medium right after the 2016 election. My last series ended December 31, 2020, after Biden won the presidential election.
Recently I realized I missed writing “in my journal” and decided to go back to the very beginning and re-read my essays. I wanted to see where I started out on November 9, 2016, and where I am now. I decided to repost my favorite blogs with a short present-day commentary and continue onto current times.
I hope a few of you will join me on this journey of recollection, reflection, and learning. I feel such compassion for this country; little did we know what we were headed into. There is still so much uncertainty ahead — the journey is far from over.
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The Light and Impeccable Words: November 25, 2016
In the previous entry, I defined the shadow as the dark emotions we as humans and a society carry. I also said the goal is to heal the destructive power of the shadow with the light. Well, what the heck is the light? For me, the light is made of thoughts, words and actions that make manifest the qualities of compassion, curiosity, courage, clarity, creativity, connection to oneself and others, calmness, confidence, and kindness (an honorary “c” word). I actually have some role models that I believe lived those values — not perfectly but pretty well.
I grew up is a patriarchal culture and faith tradition that did not like women. In fact, my mother told me her first words to me at birth were, “I am so sorry you were born a girl. They will never love you.” By the time I was a teenager I was desperately searching for examples of a good man. I found three: Mahatma Gandhi, Jesus and Martin Luther King.
Though I could not name at the time what precisely drew me to them, I knew these men were good caring people. I can name now why I came to admire and even love them. These decent men were purposeful in trying to bring good to the world; they were dignified; they were non-violent.
If I may, I want to explore how they were purposeful, dignified and non-violent in their use of language. This feels so important to me because for the last eighteen months I have wanted to weep listening to candidates and their supporters calling each other names, yelling, screaming, swearing, threatening one another, and battering each other with words. The use of language in such a way is known as verbal abuse and it is as deadly and harmful to an individual as physical or sexual abuse.
A number of years ago I came across Japanese researcher, Masaru Emoto, who investigated the power of words on water. This is important to all of us because we are basically bags of water. Human infants are 78% water; after the first year of life the percentage drops to 65%. In his book, The Message from Water, Emoto states when water from polluted sources is frozen and photographed, the crystalline molecules have a disorganized, aesthetically ugly appearance. He goes on to say when healing words or prayer are directed to that same water, the crystalline structures change to beautiful symmetric patterns — they look like beautiful snowflakes.
He and his team conducted experiments in which positive and negative words were written on pieces of paper and taped to bottles of water from the same source. Loving kind words produced lovely, symmetrical crystals. Hateful hurtful words produced broken fractured asymmetrical crystals. Even more stunning though, when the hateful words on the bottles were replaced by kind caring words, the broken crystals were healed into perfect snowflake patterns! Classical music produced stunning snowflake crystals while heavy metal music produced chaotic broken patterns which reverted back to perfect crystals when the classical music was played again.
Why is this important? Because we are the bottle of water! How we speak to ourselves and others can create beauty and health or sickness and disease. Is it any wonder why so many of us have felt “sickened” by this election process? We are making ourselves and others sick with the terrible use of language so many of us are caught in.
What is the cure for this? Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements states we must be impeccable in our words. He said, “Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.” I think someone is impeccable with their word when I feel the energy of those words coming from a place of compassion, curiosity, connection, clarity, calmness, confidence, creativity and courage. I feel safe. I also feel open to hearing what they have to say even if their perspective is different than my own. I feel open to discussion. I feel open to considering their point of view.
Back to my male heroes — Mahatma Gandhi, Jesus and Martin Luther King chose their words carefully. Theirs were powerful words that sought to turn the establishment upside down. These guys were radicals, but their words came from a deep well of light.
When I was younger I had so much pain inside of me I could barely breathe. Every other word out of my mouth was the F word. It made me feel powerful and edgy. In truth all it did was hide the sorrow and darkness within me. It took me years to have the courage to speak the pain. Even now — and particularly after this election — when I get really scared I can feel those parts wanting to call names. I have to breathe and remind myself hateful words do not move hearts. Gandhi, Jesus and King were impeccable with their words and moved hearts and that changed minds and that changed behavior.
On November 18th the cast of Hamilton was purposeful in speaking to Michael Pence. They said:
“Vice President-elect Pence, we welcome you and we truly thank you for joining us here at “Hamilton: An American Musical,” we really do.
We, sir — we — are the diverse America who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us, our planet, our children, our parents, or defend us and uphold our inalienable rights, sir. But we truly hope that this show has inspired you to uphold our American values and to work on behalf of all of us. All of us.
We truly thank you for sharing this show, this wonderful American story told by a diverse group of men, women of different colors, creeds and orientations.”
The Hamilton cast was impeccable with their words. Hillary Clinton in her concession speech was impeccable with her words; so too Barack Obama speaking to his daughters the morning after the election. May we all strive to be wise, truthful and careful with our words as we navigate the current political currents in our country.
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Commentary: October 29, 2023
I wanted to weep as I read this essay. How far we have fallen as a country and a people from my stated wish in the last paragraph above. I could cite a million examples of verbal abuse inflicted upon this country in the last seven years by trump, magas, politicians, the media, church leaders, and regular people from both sides of the political divide berating one another, but I do not have to — we all have lived this abuse and continue to live this abuse. Is it any wonder that our bodies suffer anxiety, fear, sorrow, grief and anger, confusion, and despair? If we looked at our cells under a microscope, I would bet they look like the ugly crystals in Emoto’s study.
Yet, as I sit here this morning, I realize I want to add one man to my list of good men cited in this article. That good man is Joe Biden. This man has been calm, honest, truthful, direct and firm in his words throughout the 2020 campaign and the three years of his presidency. He has not maligned anyone with his words. He has not used malicious words. He has not demeaned others with his words. He has spoken the truth. He has used humor. He is safe.
When Biden went to Israel after the horrific attack by Hamas, I was struck by the one phrase he used several times to re-assure the Israeli people. I am paraphrasing but he said, “You are not alone. You are not alone. We stand with you. As long as the United States exists, we will stand with you.”
I can tell you as a psycho-therapist, those are sacred healing words. Those are words of safety. Those are impeccable words. Biden at 80 is wise. He has lived through tumultuous times in his personal life and his political life. He knows that in order for this country to heal, he must be careful with his words. He must use his words to heal not hurt. He must use his words to create hope not despair. He must use his words to cast light onto and into the darkness.
Joe Biden is not a perfect man — none of my role models are, but he deeply understands the power of words and strives to use them for good. May we all — myself included — learn from him. These are such dark times that call for the light that comes from impeccable words. Sigh…….
