What We Did Not Know Was Coming Series: American Patriarchy

PREFACE: To say the last seven years have been a journey of growth for me and this country is an understatement. To help me process and cope with the roller-coaster of emotions I have felt these years, I started writing on Medium right after the 2016 election. My last series ended December 31, 2020, after Biden won the presidential election.

Recently I realized I missed writing “in my journal” and decided to go back to the very beginning and re-read my essays. I wanted to see where I started out on November 9, 2016, and where I am now. I decided to repost my favorite blogs with a short present-day commentary and continue onto current times.

I hope a few of you will join me on this journey of recollection, reflection, and learning. Little did we know what we were headed into.

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American Patriarchy: December 9, 2016

I want to pause a moment and breathe. I thought to continue with the qualities of light and write about connection with self and others today. To be honest I have been looking at pictures of people Trump has chosen to be part of his administration and I need to write about what I see.

What I see are old white men, who are billionaires or generals. Oh yes, there is a man of color named to head a department who, by his own admission, has no experience in government nor does he know how to run an agency, but oh well. And yes, two women have been named to minor positions Trump is not so much interested in. There is a word for the type of administration he is building — patriarchy.

Patriarchy is defined as social organization marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family; control by men of a disproportionately large share of power vested in maintenance of the status quo; a social system in which power is held by men, through cultural norms and customs that favor men and withhold opportunity from women.

Historically, patriarchy has manifested itself in the social, legal, political, religious and economic organization of a range of different cultures. Even if not explicitly defined to be by their own constitutions and laws, virtually all societies today are, in practice, patriarchal.

Sylvia Walby, a British sociologist, is currently Professor of Sociology at Lancaster University. She is noted for work in the fields of the domestic violence, patriarchy, gender relations in the workplace and globalization. Dr. Walby has composed six overlapping structures that define patriarchy and that take different forms in different cultures and different times. They are:

The state: Women are unlikely to have formal power and representation.

The household: Women are more likely to do the housework and raise the children.

Violence: Women are more prone to being abused.

Paid work: Women are likely to be paid less.

Sexuality: Women’s sexuality is more likely to be treated negatively.

Culture: Women are more misrepresented in media and popular culture.

Does all this sound familiar? It should because the United States was founded as a patriarchal country and continues to be a patriarchal country. I went through Wikipedia’s timeline of women’s rights in the world going back to 1790. Sadly, American women had no rights prior to 1839 and then they were minimal. I invite you to go to the site and read: ttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_women’s_legal_rights_(other_than_voting).

I was born in 1953 so I checked the milestones in my lifetime with respect to women gaining parity with men. I want to feel good because there have been gains but the gains seem so small that, in this moment, I feel a bit defeated. I think that is why Hillary’s loss was so devastating to me; I wanted to believe men and women were on parity; I wanted to believe little girls could grow up to be everything they wanted to be; I wanted to believe the United States had evolved enough to have a Madame President. Sadly, that is not the case.

I still want to list the milestones in my life. Not so much to celebrate but to show the painful battle we are fighting with men — old white men who do not want to give up their power. Here are some victories:

· A woman can keep her job if she was pregnant. Until the Pregnancy Discrimination Act in 1978, women could be fired from their workplace for being pregnant.

· Women can now report cases of sexual harassment in the workplace with consequences to the perpetrator and company. The first time that a court recognized sexual harassment in the workplace was in 1977 and it wasn’t until 1980 that sexual harassment was officially defined by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

· Women can now run in the Boston Marathon. They could not do so until 1972!

· Women can get their own credit card. In the 1960s, a bank could refuse to issue a credit card to an unmarried woman; even if she was married her husband was required to cosign. As recently as the 1970s, credit cards in many cases were issued with only a husband’s signature. It was not until the Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974 that it became illegal to refuse a credit card to a woman based on her gender.

· A woman can refuse to have sex with her husband. The mid-70s saw most states recognize marital rape and in 1993 it became criminalized in all 50 states. Nevertheless, several states still treat marital rape differently to other forms of rape.

· Women can divorce her spouse with some degree of ease. Before the No Fault Divorce law in 1969, spouses had to show the faults of the other party, such as adultery, and could easily be overturned by recrimination.

· Women can have a legal abortion. The Roe v. Wade case in 1973 protected a woman’s right to abortion until viability.

· Women can serve on a jury. It varied by state, but the main reason women were kept out of jury pools was that they were considered the center of the home, which was their primary responsibility as caregivers. They were also thought to be too fragile to hear the grisly details of crimes and too sympathetic by nature to be able to remain objective about those accused of offenses. In 1961, the Supreme Court unanimously upheld a Florida law that exempted women from serving on juries. It wasn’t until 1973 that women could serve on juries in all 50 states.

· Women have access to the birth control pill. Issues like reproductive freedom and a woman’s right to decide when and whether to have children were only just beginning to be openly discussed in the 1960s. In 1960, the pill was approved for use as a contraceptive. Even so, the pill was illegal in some states and could be prescribed only to married women for purposes of family planning, and not all pharmacies stocked it. It wasn’t until several years later that birth control was approved for use by all women, regardless of marital status. In short, birth control meant a woman could complete her education, enter the work force and plan her own life.

· Women can attend Ivy League colleges. Yale and Princeton didn’t accept female students until 1969. Harvard didn’t admit women until 1977 (when it merged with the all-female Radcliffe College). Brown, Dartmouth, and Columbia did not offer admission to women until 1971, 1972 and 1981, respectively.

· Women experience more equality in the workplace: Kennedy’s Commission on the Status of Women produced a report in 1963 that revealed, women earned 59 cents for every dollar that men earned and were kept out of the more lucrative professional positions. The Equal Pay Act of 1963 is a United States labor law amending the Fair Labor Standards Act, aimed at abolishing wage disparity based on sex.

· Women are taken more seriously as victims of rape and domestic violence. The Violence Against Women Act was passed in 1994 for victims of rape and domestic violence and provides for special training of police officers. The Re-authorization of the Violence Against Women Act passed in 2013 enhances judicial and law enforcement tools to combat violence against women, provides support for victims and extends coverage to young victims, immigrant, Native American women and victims of trafficking.

· Women are now able to attend elite military academies. In United States v Virginia, the Supreme Court ruled in 1996 the all-male Virginia Military School had to admit women to continue to receiving public funding.

· Women will be able to serve in any job in the armed services. Effective Jan. 2, 2016, women will be allowed to serve in any job in the armed services, provided they meet gender neutral performance standards. This move, initiated in 2013 and finalized under Defense Secretary Ash Carter, will open approximately 220,000 jobs to females.

So why am I writing all this? Because putting aside all the 101 reasons Hillary lost and Trump won, in my heart I believe patriarchy is the underlying dynamic for each reason. The patriarchy supported by white men and frightened white women could not tolerate a strong, brilliant, accomplished tough woman in the White House. Rather these voters went for a man who bragged about grabbing pussy, who sexually assaulted at least eleven women who came forward publicly, lies when he opens his mouth, tweets vicious messages to anyone who disagrees with him, and on and on.

What a sad legacy for our little girls and our little boys. My hope — which may be naïve — is that this man continues to be so extreme that women and men of all ages and colors will finally say enough is enough. What does that mean? I kinda like the idea of impeachment and wouldn’t it grand if the effort was led by a woman. Who could say?

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Commentary: November 8, 2023

I was wrong that people in this country would become tired of trump’s obvious misogyny. Seventy million people voted for him in 2020. I am surmising most were conservative, white supremacists — men and women who want white patriarchal rule to re-assert itself in all walks of life. And is that not evident in their success (short term) overturning Roe vs Wade which asserts a women’s right to control her own body — which by implication asserts a women’s right to control the course of her life.

Boy, did these folks piss off the wrong people. Across this country women of all ages, color, gender identity, education and socioeconomic status are saying, “hell no.” Since the Supreme Court struck down Roe v Wade in June 2022, California women, Michigan women, Vermont women, and last night Ohio women voted for constitutional amendments codifying pro-choice rights. Kansas women, Kentucky women and Montana women rejected ballot measures that were intended to limit abortion access. Virginia women, Kentucky women, Wisconsin women and Pennsylvania women elected state officials and judges who support a women’s right to choose. Across the country women are driving efforts to put pro-choice constitutional amendments on the 2024 ballot.

Women will not give up control of their bodies. In fact, if these foolish patriarchal men and women think they forced women to give birth against their will, a study by the Society of Family Planning in October 2023 showed the number of legal abortions in the United States actually increased in the year after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. Women traveled to those states where abortion remains legal. Women will not give up control of their bodies.

I am reminded of old man Mitch McConnell seeking to silence Senator Elizabeth Warren on the Senate floor in 2017 when she was objecting to the nomination of Jeff Sessions for Attorney General. This foolish patriarchal old white man said he had the right to silence her for though he told her to stop, “Nevertheless she persisted”.

Damn straight she did and so too will millions of her sisters as we fight for our right to choose.